Back Online

Posted: July 1, 2018 in Uncategorized

So, July 1st. Canada Day. Record breaking heat. What to do, what to do… my head and heart have been feeling somewhat lonely and unfulfilled.

So, why not pop my head in on the first of a new month, and finally say hello, and that I’m okay, to my true followers on the borderline life and other channels on YouTube.

These people are kind, appreciate, grateful, and intrigued by my life. I’m guessing by my transparency and perhaps my abilities to create videos , artwork , etc from the deep wells of sorrow that I have surpassed that they can identify with.

I was so shocked to find nothing but positive feedback from my short video that did not disclose any info about why I left , where I am, what has happened , or what’s coming next.

I feel very satisfied, knowing that the bullshit bullying hating crowd has most likely moved onto another delicate and vulnerable target. I am adamant about having no tolerance now.

I have a full written page of video ideas, that would be shared publicly and privately , depending on the subject. My plan needs some work, but all I have is time!

To keep myself safe, I could not possibly go back to daily vlogging ,where I talk freely about sensitive issues to anyone who clicks.

I feel …strange, even bringing up the idea of ” pay per view” content, Vimeo, patreon, etc.

But, after so SO much thinking and brewing over this , amongst where my real life has led me to – I just cannot repeat the past. I cannot dedicate my entire life to a channel that beat me down for free. Just like a regular job, doing work should be properly acknowledged , right?

However , I also do not expect people to have to put hard earned dollars , or lack thereof into my bank just to hear some hopeful words, or comforting things that are so relatable and can really lift a person up. It’s so difficult to discern what I require , and what I want to give.

I’m in a tough position, and I will try to navigate my way with the utmost respect for the people that still actually care about my well being.

It really gives me hope for humanity after the savagery I have witnessed .

For now, I am happy to share some pictures /clues to my passions and where I’m at in life on my instagram. The _Tarot_Girl. It’s not private so that I can first check if the profiles are fake, just made , or have no picture. Sort of like a bouncer at the door of a club.

I do have exciting plans on the back burner , that will take some planning and investment, as well as networking. I want to do better. Be better. Be inspiring , be someone that can speak for us who suffer the stigma and cruelty of bpd in silence.

I must find a middle ground between fulfilling that role, and protecting myself.

After an astounding reading today meditating on this seemingly impulsive upload, I could not imagine what the cards and runes were saying. I really really would love to share my gift with people.

I’m thinking that to make things less difficult for myself, instead of having a space for this, an audience for that, a channel for the other. I can just be me, and share it all as one. Why compartmentalize?

Until next time – stay tuned ? ( I say with a pinch of uncertainty but a base of commitment to this path ).



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